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Three Pillars of Self Healing (October 2019*)
Mind
Soul
Awaken Consciousness (November 2019*)
Goal: Create a new habit of practicing consciousness daily.
Begin to build at least one conscious check-in daily. Separate "you" from your thoughts. Thoughts are not who you are. Practice being the conscious observer of your thoughts. Thoughts are neutral and do not determine what sort of person you are. Take back control by deciding where to direct your attention whenever it wonders or you find yourself focusing on something not worthwhile.
Become aware of the fact that you are thinking while in meditation. Allow that to become the new thought, then focus back on breathing. As the mind wanders, note the thinking that is happening and re-direct back to your breath.
Use your senses to ground yourself. Take five slow breaths and ask yourself: "what can I hear? what can I see? what can I smell? what am I touching? taste, maybe?"
Explore Deeper Causes of Symptoms (December 2019*)
Goal: Explore deeper narratives directing your habitual thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Explore the deeper subconscious narratives keeping you stuck. Utilize a "narrative finder" to identify patterns. Look at the experience and ask, "what happened?" to identify triggers. Identify your thoughts to locate habitual thoughts. What are you feeling? What is going on inside your body? And finally, what was your reaction? This tells your common coping mechanisms.
There are quite a few core common narratives people tend to have.
1. Instability/Abandonment OR Fears Over Physical Well-Being - Do you often think you could lose support in your life from loved ones leaving or dying? Do you often think people you love will experience something tragic or even death?
2. Mistrust/Abuse in Relationships - Usually rooted in lack of emotional needs being met. Do you often think you are not getting needs met due to someone else's intentional or unintentional choices?
3. Defensiveness, Shame, Isolation - Usually feeling hypersensitive to perceived criticism, rejection, or blame. Do you often think you are unlovable or alone because of shameful aspects of yourself?
4. Suppression of Emotions OR Lack of Self-Control or Self-Discipline - Both negative and positive emotions could not be expressed freely. Do you struggle expressing anger or any negative emotion out of concern for how others will act? Do you often feel out of control? Do you often think you are unable to handle your emotions?
5. Undeveloped Sense of Self - Often had issues separating your thoughts/feelings/wants/needs from others'. Do you find yourself checking in with others before checking in with yourself? Do you consistently seek validation?
6. Incompetence OR Entitlement - Do you often feel like you are not good enough on your own to succeed? Do you often think you deserve to have rights to anything and everything you want at any cost?
7. Hypercriticalness - Themes of hypercriticalness about the behaviors of self/others. A belief that others should be punished for their mistakes and unmet expectations. Rigid narratives that do not allow for human imperfection or empathizing with others' feelings. Includes unrealistically high moral, ethical, cultural, and religious standards. Do you feel it difficult to accept yourself and others? Do you often feel as though you aren't accomplishing enough? Are you not able to relax and have downtime?
8. Self-Sacrifice - Themes of lack in terms of gratification in the context of relationships as a result of the tendency to put another's needs/emotions before one's own in order to prevent causing pain to others, to avoid guilt from feeling selfish, or to maintain the connection. May also include feelings of built up resentment with related passive-aggressive behaviors, temper outbursts, withdrawl behaviors, or psychosomatic symptoms. Do you often think you are selfish to consider your own needs in a relationship? Do you often opt to worry about and meet the needs of others before your own, even when they differ from your own?
9. Approval Seeking - Do you often obsessively think about what others think about you and only feel good about yourself when receiving positive feedback?
10. Negativity/Pessimism - Do you often think about all of the things that are/can go wrong, ignoring all of the things that can/are going right?
After identifying some of your common narratives (mine are all underlined....so, like, all of them) you will want to try to witness when these narratives pop up in your daily life. Then, offer yourself a new narrative in its place.
"This is my familiar [insert applicable narrative]."
"Just because I practiced these [thoughts, feelings, and behaviors] doesn't mean they are true."
"Underneath these [insert patterns] are deeper feelings of [i.e., insecurity, anger, fear, grief, longing, envy, etc.]."
"It is okay for me to feel [insert deeper feeling]."
"My [insert narrative and related patterns] no longer need to protect me from [insert deeper feeling]."
So, when you notice Mistrust patterns crop up, you can then re-route your thoughts to the following:
"This is my familiar Mistrust narrative. Just because I practiced thinking, feeling, and and acting as if I cannot trust others does not mean this is true. Underneath these patterns of protecting myself from distrustful others are deeper feelings of vulnerability and longing to connect. It is okay for me to feel vulnerable and desirous of connection. My mistrust narrative and related coping behaviors no longer need to protect me from feeling vulnerable and longing."
Finally, you can try using daily writing to keep small daily promises to yourself in order to trust and heal yourself.
Write at the beginning of the day:
"Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of allowing my narratives to run my day. My small daily promise to begin to shift that pattern notice my habitual narratives. I am grateful for having the opportunity to change my habitual responses and coping tools. When I notice my habitual narratives, I will experience more self awareness and the opportunity to change my responses and coping tools. I have an opportunity to practice being my future self today when I notice the patterns in my thoughts, feelings, and reactions throughout my day."
End of day:
"Today when I kept my small promise I felt an increase in self awareness. I noticed a moment of progress today when I noticed my old 'not good enough' story direct my actions. Today I learned I tend to think thoughts of 'not being good enough' at work and will use this knowledge to consciously remind myself these are older stories that are not necessarily true differently tomorrow."
Body
Nutrition
Nervous System Regulation
Movement
Sleep
Nervous System Regulation
Movement
Sleep
Mind
Consciousness
Subconscious Re-programming
Reparenting
Ego work
Subconscious Re-programming
Reparenting
Ego work
Soul
Creativity/Play
Community/Connections
Purpose/Meaning
Nature
Community/Connections
Purpose/Meaning
Nature
Awaken Consciousness (November 2019*)
Goal: Create a new habit of practicing consciousness daily.
Begin to build at least one conscious check-in daily. Separate "you" from your thoughts. Thoughts are not who you are. Practice being the conscious observer of your thoughts. Thoughts are neutral and do not determine what sort of person you are. Take back control by deciding where to direct your attention whenever it wonders or you find yourself focusing on something not worthwhile.
Become aware of the fact that you are thinking while in meditation. Allow that to become the new thought, then focus back on breathing. As the mind wanders, note the thinking that is happening and re-direct back to your breath.
Use your senses to ground yourself. Take five slow breaths and ask yourself: "what can I hear? what can I see? what can I smell? what am I touching? taste, maybe?"
Explore Deeper Causes of Symptoms (December 2019*)
Goal: Explore deeper narratives directing your habitual thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Explore the deeper subconscious narratives keeping you stuck. Utilize a "narrative finder" to identify patterns. Look at the experience and ask, "what happened?" to identify triggers. Identify your thoughts to locate habitual thoughts. What are you feeling? What is going on inside your body? And finally, what was your reaction? This tells your common coping mechanisms.
There are quite a few core common narratives people tend to have.
1. Instability/Abandonment OR Fears Over Physical Well-Being - Do you often think you could lose support in your life from loved ones leaving or dying? Do you often think people you love will experience something tragic or even death?
2. Mistrust/Abuse in Relationships - Usually rooted in lack of emotional needs being met. Do you often think you are not getting needs met due to someone else's intentional or unintentional choices?
3. Defensiveness, Shame, Isolation - Usually feeling hypersensitive to perceived criticism, rejection, or blame. Do you often think you are unlovable or alone because of shameful aspects of yourself?
4. Suppression of Emotions OR Lack of Self-Control or Self-Discipline - Both negative and positive emotions could not be expressed freely. Do you struggle expressing anger or any negative emotion out of concern for how others will act? Do you often feel out of control? Do you often think you are unable to handle your emotions?
5. Undeveloped Sense of Self - Often had issues separating your thoughts/feelings/wants/needs from others'. Do you find yourself checking in with others before checking in with yourself? Do you consistently seek validation?
6. Incompetence OR Entitlement - Do you often feel like you are not good enough on your own to succeed? Do you often think you deserve to have rights to anything and everything you want at any cost?
7. Hypercriticalness - Themes of hypercriticalness about the behaviors of self/others. A belief that others should be punished for their mistakes and unmet expectations. Rigid narratives that do not allow for human imperfection or empathizing with others' feelings. Includes unrealistically high moral, ethical, cultural, and religious standards. Do you feel it difficult to accept yourself and others? Do you often feel as though you aren't accomplishing enough? Are you not able to relax and have downtime?
8. Self-Sacrifice - Themes of lack in terms of gratification in the context of relationships as a result of the tendency to put another's needs/emotions before one's own in order to prevent causing pain to others, to avoid guilt from feeling selfish, or to maintain the connection. May also include feelings of built up resentment with related passive-aggressive behaviors, temper outbursts, withdrawl behaviors, or psychosomatic symptoms. Do you often think you are selfish to consider your own needs in a relationship? Do you often opt to worry about and meet the needs of others before your own, even when they differ from your own?
9. Approval Seeking - Do you often obsessively think about what others think about you and only feel good about yourself when receiving positive feedback?
10. Negativity/Pessimism - Do you often think about all of the things that are/can go wrong, ignoring all of the things that can/are going right?
After identifying some of your common narratives (mine are all underlined....so, like, all of them) you will want to try to witness when these narratives pop up in your daily life. Then, offer yourself a new narrative in its place.
"This is my familiar [insert applicable narrative]."
"Just because I practiced these [thoughts, feelings, and behaviors] doesn't mean they are true."
"Underneath these [insert patterns] are deeper feelings of [i.e., insecurity, anger, fear, grief, longing, envy, etc.]."
"It is okay for me to feel [insert deeper feeling]."
"My [insert narrative and related patterns] no longer need to protect me from [insert deeper feeling]."
So, when you notice Mistrust patterns crop up, you can then re-route your thoughts to the following:
"This is my familiar Mistrust narrative. Just because I practiced thinking, feeling, and and acting as if I cannot trust others does not mean this is true. Underneath these patterns of protecting myself from distrustful others are deeper feelings of vulnerability and longing to connect. It is okay for me to feel vulnerable and desirous of connection. My mistrust narrative and related coping behaviors no longer need to protect me from feeling vulnerable and longing."
Finally, you can try using daily writing to keep small daily promises to yourself in order to trust and heal yourself.
Write at the beginning of the day:
"Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of allowing my narratives to run my day. My small daily promise to begin to shift that pattern notice my habitual narratives. I am grateful for having the opportunity to change my habitual responses and coping tools. When I notice my habitual narratives, I will experience more self awareness and the opportunity to change my responses and coping tools. I have an opportunity to practice being my future self today when I notice the patterns in my thoughts, feelings, and reactions throughout my day."
End of day:
"Today when I kept my small promise I felt an increase in self awareness. I noticed a moment of progress today when I noticed my old 'not good enough' story direct my actions. Today I learned I tend to think thoughts of 'not being good enough' at work and will use this knowledge to consciously remind myself these are older stories that are not necessarily true differently tomorrow."
