Apr. 22nd, 2017

Fraud

Apr. 22nd, 2017 10:23 am
toriapoptosis: (Default)
I can't help but feel like a phony-fake. I'm working towards being happy and enlightened and shit. My userpic is a rainbow, and my tagline is "Radiate Positivity". I'm attempting to fake it until I make it. You know? Because I get sad, a lot. I get overwhelmed, a lot. I am well-known for getting down on myself and hard. One failure and the negative thoughts about myself rain down. Some days, I am better about catching this before the downward spiral. Sometimes I notice it, but don't have the will to pull myself out of it. I am an anxious individual that needs grounding. I also am awful at making up my mind. Why can't I do it? For important things or even the tiniest of things.

I fluctuate from being grandly ecstatic and, more recently, terrified of the fact that I have a short story to write. I have a short story to write that is due in nine days. I thought I had an idea of what I wanted to write about. But I don't know anymore. In Creative Writing class, I made a character who enjoys being an asshole. I thought I would write about him, because who doesn't secretly want to be that guy sometimes? But I don't have a story really, to go along with him, except for the fact that he's just about fed up with being an asshole that's all alone (or maybe just being alone). I also thought about somehow writing about depression, but that'd just be ... depressing.

I need to be a better listener before I go off chiding another.

My dad bought us tickets to see Shen Yun today at 2 PM.

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Tori

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