Apr. 22nd, 2017 10:23 am
toriapoptosis: (Default)
[personal profile] toriapoptosis
I can't help but feel like a phony-fake. I'm working towards being happy and enlightened and shit. My userpic is a rainbow, and my tagline is "Radiate Positivity". I'm attempting to fake it until I make it. You know? Because I get sad, a lot. I get overwhelmed, a lot. I am well-known for getting down on myself and hard. One failure and the negative thoughts about myself rain down. Some days, I am better about catching this before the downward spiral. Sometimes I notice it, but don't have the will to pull myself out of it. I am an anxious individual that needs grounding. I also am awful at making up my mind. Why can't I do it? For important things or even the tiniest of things.

I fluctuate from being grandly ecstatic and, more recently, terrified of the fact that I have a short story to write. I have a short story to write that is due in nine days. I thought I had an idea of what I wanted to write about. But I don't know anymore. In Creative Writing class, I made a character who enjoys being an asshole. I thought I would write about him, because who doesn't secretly want to be that guy sometimes? But I don't have a story really, to go along with him, except for the fact that he's just about fed up with being an asshole that's all alone (or maybe just being alone). I also thought about somehow writing about depression, but that'd just be ... depressing.

I need to be a better listener before I go off chiding another.

My dad bought us tickets to see Shen Yun today at 2 PM.

Date: 2017-04-23 07:57 pm (UTC)
ele: (Default)
From: [personal profile] ele
I can relate to this. I try to give off a positive vibe, it's true that it comes in cycles... negativity attracts negativity etc. But yeah, you feel like you aren't being true to yourself sometimes!

Good luck with your writing.


toriapoptosis: (Default)

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